My First Literature

I am rummaging for words to tell how I feel. I cannot seem to utter words to convey things right now. I have already lost count on how many times I have wrote words and ended up erasing it leaving nothing but empty screen.

I have already forgotten what I wrote about you when we were just first year high school. I remember writing fantasies of you looking at me – maybe even the fantasy of liking me. I remember I have this pink notebook I have written things about you, remembering it makes me cringe and want to push myself down to the depths of the world.

I guess we will never know what that pink notebook contains anymore but, I remember how I wrote about you – everyday. Nonstop. I remembered people were talking about it because, I forgot that notebook in the classroom and I guess people have read it. I don’t know if you have read it. I believe you did. I am sorry. I was a hopeless romantic. I guess you know that already.

You were my first Literature. I wrote poems about you that I have already forgotten. Did I really? I guess, I did. You were the first person I wrote about. I remember buying a lot of stationery notebooks just to fill it about you. We never spoke to each other. We never seen each other eye to eye. I guess you never even know that I exist.

And then, suddenly like a twist of fate after ten years including our high school years of not talking. We’ve found each other in an unexpected place. I guess. I believe so. Maybe not, because you live there and I was just a complete stranger working her ass off.

I am taking this as a miracle, a twist of fate, an unexpected turn of events as I have never expected us to meet again. I am now the teacher of your – I don’t know niece, sister, daughter? That would be funny if she was really your daughter. I would not expect anything anymore but, she called you ‘Kuya’ and that changed all.

It was a funny encounter, seriously, J.A. Funny, short and I hope I can see you again.

After ten long years of not speaking to each other. All I could say was ‘Hi,’ and it was like a metaphor for everything I have for you. Hi, first crush I have admired from a far – for so long. Hi, first Literature of my life. Hi, for all the things I have longed to tell you. Hi, we meet again. Hi, I hope this won’t be goodbye.

Then, there’s another thing. ‘She was crying because, she wanted to go home already.’ I was talking about my student, your I don’t know. I did not want to add any meanings to that but, I guess it’s someone talking from another life. How weird is that to talk to someone who you have never spoke with for ten years just suddenly walks in to your life again and your first words were “Hi, she was crying because she wanted to home already.”

We were both finding words to tell we know each other. I can tell that you know me, and I am sure as hell cannot say that I know you. Immediately. I cannot let you know how excited I was feeling just from seeing you eye to eye. But we’re in different worlds right now. You’re a guardian of my student, and I’m the teacher of your relative. Sounds plot bunny to me. I guess I’ll have to make you my Literature again?

I don’t really know what to say, I guess I’m just happy to see you.

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